If Tottenham refuse to negotiate down their valuation of Peter Crouch then why not go for Craig Bellamy? Celtic have made a loan enquiry but even his asking price on a permanent deal is within our reach.

I know, I know, he's a cheeky little fecker but I actually like him. I was gutted when Rafa bombed him out so soon. Now before you go there, if you knew John Arne Riise, you'd also want to hit him with a golf club, especially following a night on the lash.

I was at that game at the Nou Camp when both Riise and Bellamy found the net. You couldn't have scripted the outcome. Fantastic! That game is the reason why I chose to move to Spain. I remember boarding the plane at Newcastle where it was pissing down and then stepping off the plane at Barcelona into the lovely warm air and it was only February.

Me and the Mrs were just coming out of a fairly straight forward divorce and I was looking for a new challenge. I wanted to get away from the memories that we'd made. We met at school and dated on and off during our teenage years and eventually wed at Anfield. But the stress of losing a baby proved too much. I met someone, she met someone and before you knew it, we agreed to go our own ways.

It was a difficult time because neither one of us hated each other but we both realised we'd actually become more friends than anything. Had the baby been born then maybe we'd have stayed together. Who knows. It's in the past now but it does touch me when I think of the other child I may have had.

While in Barcelona I remember holding a conversation with my friend as to why the hell I still lived in England when I could live anywhere in the world providing I had an internet connection. Had Riise and Bellamy not scored that night, maybe I wouldn't have enjoyed the trip as much but as it was, it was enough for me to return home and put things in motion. So yeh, here I am in Spain thanks to a divorce, John Arne Riise, Craig Bellamy and of course my hardcore haters who gave me more determination to succeed and earn that extra bit of money to make it all possible. What a strange combination but I guess I love them all in some capacity.

Truth be told I was never a big fan of Riise. *I don't know if it was just because he was a 'ging-er' or the fact he was Norwegian. But Bellamy, I just loved his attitude and bite. A genuine Liverpool fan since he was a kid, it was a dream move for him but Rafa let me and him down by showing him the door prematurely, just like he did Crouch. 

He's no Fernando Torres, but who is? He's also no David Ngog and that's why I'd be happy to see him as an option. It won't happen though. I'm just looking at alternatives to players who have been marked up too high. If you believe the media, Spurs want £12m for Crouch and West Ham want £15m+ for Carlton Cole.

They say never go back but that's rubbish. How many times have you returned to slip an ex one? Exactly. You might not want to offer her a 5-year contract but you might take her up on a short-term deal until something better comes along.

Meanwhile, the club have now confirmed the signing of Christian Poulsen. The Liverpool Daily Post said yesterday it wouldn't happen until Mascherano was sold. As a result I took a beating for daring to suggest earlier this week that the deal had been sorted and for saying he was at Melwood again yesterday. Don't worry I forgive those of you who said some naughty things. Dunk knows best ;)

YNWA

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Duncan Oldham
KopTalk Editor

* I always try to insert a line in my editorials to get a bite. I know them Norwegians are touchy feckers so I'm adding this disclaimer incase they're a bit slow and don't realise. As for the Ging-ers, well I just don't like them full stop ;)

^ You can also follow my personal account @DunkKnowsBest

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